Have you ever wondered or asked yourself:

Why don’t I start exercising even though I want to?
Why don’t I maintain my exercise program when I start it or resume when I get off track?
Why don’t I eat right when I know what is and isn’t good for me?

Here are some effective ways to conquer the thought processes and feelings that interfere with diet and exercise maintenance.

How much do our thoughts and feelings affect our ability to begin and maintain an exercise program? In my experience as a bodybuilder, trainer, and psychotherapist, I have found that about 90% of one’s ability to maintain a healthy diet and begin and engage in a regular exercise routine is directly influenced by his or her thoughts and feelings.

Most people start exercising and eating right with a plan to continue indefinitely. We buy diet books and exercise equipment with good intention to use them only to see dust collect on them after a couple of weeks, or even days, because the thoughts and feelings that motivated us to buy them usually subside after we submit the credit card information to the distributor. What’s good is that the very thoughts and feelings that motivated us to buy these products are ones we can use to motivate ourselves to eat right and exercise. We have to learn how to maintain the motivating thoughts and feelings and conquer the thoughts and feelings that pull us off track. Follow these simple rules to identify which thoughts and feelings to keep and which ones to conquer and expel.

Thoughts to keep

Reflect on what made you interested in eating right and exercising and purchasing products that you planned to use in your program. You may have had thoughts such as, “I want to feel better about myself,” I want to look better,” I need to be healthy,” and “I want to live longer so I have to change my diet and start exercising.” These are typical motivators to eating right and exercising that often subside when the emotion connected to them dissipates due to some distraction such as watching television, reading an interesting magazine, or perhaps eating your favorite food, all of which result in relatively instant mood alteration. Then we make excuses for not eating right and exercising and tell ourselves we can attempt it again at a later time. This triggers similar thoughts and eventually results in self-disgust and a negative pattern of alleviating the negative mood by eating or engaging in unhealthy thinking, feeling, and behaving. The motivation to eat right and exercise soon becomes yesterday’s thought and you resume your old ways again.

So, how do we maintain our motivating thoughts and feelings and expel those inhibiting us? First, identify the emotion connected to your initial motivating thought. Maybe you felt energized, motivated, or excited to make positive changes. Maybe it was fear that continuing down the path you are on will result in disastrous health effects. Or, maybe you felt tired of being tired and unhealthy. Second, try to embrace the emotion and keep it conscious by reminding yourself daily that it exists as you embark on your diet and exercise plan. Finally, identify and embrace the thoughts that make you feel good about eating right and exercising. You can also add some affirmations to your thinking, such as, “I deserve to be healthy,” “I will make time to plan my meals,” “I will eat healthy food,” and “I will make time to exercise.” If you keep your healthy thoughts and feelings conscious, you will find that beginning and maintaining a healthy diet and exercise program will be easier than you thought.

Thoughts to conquer

Everyone has negative thoughts now and then. However, some people allow them to rule their lives. Are you one of these individuals? If so, you can choose to change. Often, we think negatively because we have minimal self-respect, insecurity about our abilities and future, and lack of trust in ourselves and others. The foundation of negative thinking is in one’s perceptions of oneself. If you believe you are too far gone to be healthy, eating right won’t work for you, or you are too old to exercise, etc., then you may have low self-esteem or may be critical of yourself. This means that you have a negative perception of yourself. You also likely don’t believe you are worthy or deserving of good things. If you want to succeed at eating right and exercising, challenge these thoughts with simple statements like, “That’s my old thinking,” “I am now changing,” “there are my old thoughts again,” or “there I go again beating myself up.” You will soon find that changing your thoughts will change your feelings about yourself and you will feel that you deserve to eat right and exercise.

Too often life is shaped and influenced by the opinions, judgments, and direction of others. We live in a society that encourages and reinforces approval from external sources. We are evaluated at work, by our families and friends, and by our neighbors and passing acquaintances. Our families want us to succeed, we compete with our friends and neighbors for wealth and status, and we pay close attention to how our acquaintances perceive us. Essentially, we have extreme pressure to gain approval from those involved in our lives, from our closest family members to our most distant acquaintances.

Why do we seek approval? It is human nature to seek approval because it is at the foundation of our early experiences in life. We all work as children to gain approval from our parents and carry this into our adult lives where it is reenacted with parental symbols, such as work supervisors and spouses, and our “siblings” of society, such as friends, neighbors, and acquaintances with whom we unconsciously compete for approval. This pattern continues throughout our lives and robs us of the right to have balance and internal peace.

The dangers of constantly seeking approval have far reaching effects on happiness and meaning in life. When we seek approval, we live for it and lose our sense of self. This drive shapes our work, relationships, and confidence because we are essentially living for other people and purposes when we rely on external means for substantiation, and are at risk for harboring resentment against those parental symbols we rely on for approval and ourselves for needing it to feel worthy of existence. This resentment is expressed in relationships with aggression or neglect and is directed toward ourselves in manners that damage our sense of self. In such cases happiness and meaning escape us.

How do you stop seeking approval and live for yourself? Living for yourself is both simple and complex. It is simple because you only need approval from one person: you. It is complex because you might be your worst critic. You have to dismantle the critic and search for your own meaning beyond that which has been assigned to you by your parental symbols. While it is commendable to please your boss, accommodate your spouse, and help your friends, and exciting to impress your neighbors, each time you attempt to gain their approval you distance yourself from the real you. Only the real you can direct your true purpose.

Dismantling your inner critic requires you to search your psyche for critical self-statements and old patterns of relating with others in manners that reflect your need for their approval. You can begin by asking yourself to believe you have the right to exist without having to prove your worthiness. Next, target your critical self-statements with challenging rebuttals. The statements might sound like this: “I have to get this done or my boss will think I’m incompetent, “My wife will think I’m weak if I don’t do this right,” or “I won’t compare to my neighbor if I don’t have as much money or status as he has.” The rebuttals might sound like this: “I am competent no matter when I get this done,” “My wife loves me no matter how I do this,” and “I am equally as good as my neighbor if I make more or less money or have higher or lower status than he has.” This process will wear away at the motivations for seeking approval from external sources and free up the energy you need to find the real you.

Finding the real you will be exciting. Just think of and embrace all the things you like to do, the feelings you want to express, and reject the inhibitions you have allowed to interfere with your forward motion. When you embrace the things that make you who you are, the need for approval gradually dissipates because you no longer need it to feel real. This new or revived authenticity can be the point from which you shape your relationship with yourself, family, friends, superiors, and neighbors. If you like and value you, there is less need to live and compete for the approval from your parental symbols. So, let the real you rather than your need for approval direct your life and purpose. You do not have to know your purpose now and may find that being you is your purpose, but try living as the person you feel you are and worry less about how you are perceived by others, and you can be sure you will feel more enthusiastic about life and living it on your terms.

Divorce affects nearly 60% of our nation’s population. It does not discriminate among race, age, occupation, social status, socioeconomic status, or religion. Nearly everybody knows someone who has been divorced. It has become such a common social phenomenon that it is almost expected of marriages in our time. It has become the focus of jokes, television programs, movies, and marketing campaigns. What is lost in all of the sensationalizing and legitimizing of divorce is the devastating impact it has on children.

When children experience divorce, they feel at fault or believe that they should have been able to keep their parents together. They experience guilt and depression, and they often assume parental roles in the family to replace the missing parent figure. This can be extremely stressful and result in emotional, behavioral, social, and academic consequences for children.
In addition, their lives and schedules drastically change to accommodate their parents’ wish to be apart. However, despite the fact that the aftermath of divorce can be difficult, separation often is the right choice for men and women who are unable to get along and provide a stable and loving household for their children. The purpose of this article is not to discourage divorce; rather, it is meant to help parents help their children adjust to the changes that typically follow divorce.
The following steps can help children learn to deal with divorce by processing their emotions and maintaining healthy and consistent relationships with their mothers and fathers.
1.Make sure they know it is not their fault

Children are egocentric, essentially believing that the world revolves around them, they influence everything in their surroundings, and they cause good and bad things to happen. This is no different in the case of divorce.

When Mom and Dad get divorced, the children believe that it is their fault. They that think Mom or Dad is leaving them, and they do not understand the complexities of adult relationships that often result in divorce. Therefore, to the developing child’s mind, the only explanation for divorce that makes sense is that Mom or Dad is leaving because of him or her.

The child feels guilty and abandoned, with no ability to contemplate other possible reasons for the divorce that do not include him or her as central to the cause. It is the job of divorced parents to ensure their children with certainty that they are not the cause of the divorce.

They should explain to their children in plain, age-appropriate language that the divorce had nothing to do with them and that both Mom and Dad love them as they always have and will. This can be a daily discussion if necessary, but it should be initiated by parents on a regular basis during the initial phases of the divorce.

2.Do not talk negatively about the other parent

Degradation of the other parent in a divorce situation only adds to the confusion and pressure that children feel during this difficult time. The children want to please both parents, so when one criticizes the other, the children feel pressure to agree to avoid disappointing Mom or Dad. If both parents are critical, the children feel twice as much pressure.
In addition, children fear additional loss and abandonment in divorce situations, and they associate disappointing parents with the potential for further abandonment by one or both of them. Divorced parents should encourage healthy conversation about the other parent, and they should facilitate consistent visitation and relationship maintenance.

3.Schedule and maintain regular visitation, no matter what

Regular and consistent visitation is crucial to the ongoing development of children following a divorce. Children identify with their mothers and fathers as they form their own identities. If this is interrupted, the children are at risk of experiencing emptiness and seeking fulfillment from less favorable sources outside the family.
For example, if a female’s relationship with her father is interrupted following a divorce, she may turn to other men to replace her father and to get her needs met. Choosing abusive or neglectful men to meet her needs could have damaging effects on her sense of self and future relationships.
It is common for parents to deny or interrupt visitation in an effort to exact revenge on each other or manipulate one another. Parental use of children as pawns is never wise or good for their development. Divorced parents should create and maintain regular visitation schedules from the initial phase of the divorce.
4.Allow and encourage them to talk about their emotions

Expressing emotions is important in any traumatic situation. It releases energy, helps to build stronger relationships with those toward whom the emotions are expressed, and models healthy behavior for future relationships.
Children of divorce need to discuss their emotions with both of their parents and other supportive adults to ensure that they are expressed in an appropriate forum to decrease the potential of their being acted out. Humans are emotional beings and need to express their emotions in healthy ways to avoid negative expression and the development of psychological illnesses and symptoms or maladaptive behaviors. Parents need to encourage children to talk about their feelings during and after the process of divorce.
5.Do not use them as emotional surrogates

Sometimes, parents use their children as sounding boards or for support following divorce. Children lack the maturity and sophistication to handle adult emotions. Divorced parents should only relate their emotions to validate the emotions of their children. Otherwise, they might feel responsible for their parents’ emotions and take them on as their own. The parents need to use their emotions to be supportive, but they must process them with their adult friends and family, not their children. This will preserve the children’s confidence in the parents’ ability to be available for them.
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Matthew Capezzuto, Ph.D., LISW is a psychotherapist, relationship counselor, psychology instructor, and former bodybuilder. He has counseled thousands of individuals and couples on how to achieve health and prosperity in their lives and relationships. He also has helped individuals achieve their fitness goals through personal coaching and training. Dr. Capezzuto continues to counsel people in his private practice and is a principal member of Roadmaps To SUCCESS, the leading source for information on health, wealth, and happiness. For further information about Dr. Capezzuto, please visit www.RoadmapsToSUCCESS.com
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With today’s changing economic times it is always nice to know that you can still impress your sweetheart without going broke in the process. I have put together twenty-five of my favorite dates which cost less than $25.00.
1) Movie night: Get a movie free from the library or from your local video store, pop up some buttery popcorn, and get some special movie sized boxes of candy. Now all you have to do is put the movie in, turn the lights down, and enjoy the quiet and comfort of being in your own home.
2) Putt Putt: It is always fun to act like a child again and a good way to do it is with a game of putt-putt. Up the odds by wagering a back rub for the winner.
3) Art Exhibit: Most local galleries will have monthly art exhibits. Sometimes they are free to attend or they may have a nominal fee for entry. Who knows? You may identify the next Rembrandt or Picasso.
4) A night under the stars: Find a local planetarium (usually available at high schools or colleges). Most will offer a course which educates you on the different constellations. Not only is this a fun date, but you can impress your friends and family with what you learn at your next evening get together.
5) Make a morning of it: Take your date to a restaurant for breakfast. Not only is it a great start to the day, but breakfast is usually the cheapest meal to get at a restaurant.
6) Take a walk in the gardens: Enjoy not only the sites, but the scents of beautiful foliage at the local botanical garden. You don’t have to have a green thumb to enjoy nature’s beauty.
7) Bike or Hike: Plan out a bike ride or hike through a local park system or scenic path. Make sure you pack a snack and find a romantic spot along the way to enjoy it.
8)Wine Tasting: Most wineries will allow you to sample different wines to see which ones you like. Find your own special wine and maybe you can use it to toast special occasions for the two of you in the future.
9) Antiquing: In most major cities there is an area that is dedicated to antique shopping. Not only will you enjoy the memories of years gone by, but you might even find a memento for the days ahead. Just remember the shopping is free but the buying will cost you.
10) Local or High School theatre: Everyone gets a start somewhere. Enjoy the local talent or the future rising star by attending local theatre productions of Broadway shows. There is a lot of great local talent. Who knows? You may be watching the next Brad Pitt.
11) Enjoy the outdoors by sledding, skating, or roller blading: If you don’t enjoy the cold, you can always warm up by the fire afterwards.
12) Take a car ride: The time that you spend together riding in the car will give you opportunity to enjoy the sights and get to know each other better. Find a quaint little restaurant at your destination to grab dessert or a special beverage.
13) Pedicures: If you are a guy, give your girl a personal pedicure. Soak her feet in warm water with foot oil. Massage lotion on her feet and up her calves. Then, pick out your favorite color of nail polish to put on her toenails.
14) Zoo: It’s not only fun, but educational to attend a local zoo and check out the animals. If you want to make it really memorable, adopt an animal in your dates name and present them with the birth certificate when you get there. You not only help the zoo but it is also fun searching for your new adopted friend.
15) A quiet dinner for two: It’s an oldie, but a goody. Make your date all of their favorites but make sure you save room for dessert.
16) For the sports enthusiast: Try attending a semi-pro sports game. Usually all major metropolitan areas will have some sort of semi pro team (mostly hockey, baseball, or soccer). Tickets are normally a quarter of the price of professional teams.
17) Be Picky: Go to a local orchard or berry patch and pick the fruit of your choice. Then bake a pie, make a smoothie or just each it whole. Enjoy the fruits of your labor.
18) Enjoy the beauty of nature: There isn’t anything more romantic than enjoying the beauty of a sunset. Plan a picnic or a basket of wine, cheese and crackers and take in the joy and beauty that God has given us.
19) A very unique date that is relatively inexpensive is to go horseback riding. Not only can you enjoy the outdoor scenery but horseback riding is also good exercise.
20) You don’t have to be a poet to have poetic romance: Find a coffee shop, wine bar, or library that has poetry reading. If you really want to impress your date, write your own prose and read it at “open mic night”.
21) A Night at the Museum: No, this doesn’t mean to watch the movie. Instead attend some of the local museums in your area. Try to find out ahead of time if your date is an art enthusiast, likes flowers, or is into sports. This way you can find a museum that displays your date’s interests.
22) For the Book Worm: A great date that is not only educational but also spurs conversation is to go to a book store or library, read some books and then discuss them together over coffee or tea later. This is also a great way to get to know the interests of your significant other.
23) Bowling: You don’t have to be good to have fun and what better way to impress your date then by wearing multi colored shoes and a tacky shirt? Put a wager on your game to make it a little more fun, non-monetary bets are preferable.
24) Total Stress Relief: One of the least expensive dates that will definitely be appreciated is to give your partner a back rub. Lay out a blanket on the floor with a small pillow, light candles to set the ambiance and play soft music to relax their mind. Have them put on a robe and buy some massage oil to give it a true spa appeal. If you have the time, buy a massage technique book and practice your techniques on your partner.
25) The Scavenger Hunt: Probably one of my favorite dates has been a scavenger hunt. Write five to ten clues and lay out a scavenger hunt in your house, a garden, at the mall, or anywhere that has sentimental meaning to your partner. Make sure that each clue has a special message to your partner. Trust me, the end prize does not have to be big, just make it something personal and your partner will melt in your arms.
So remember, it is not the cost of the date that is important, it is the memories made by the date that will leave a lasting impression on your partner.